An unknown caller said….
Question: ( sent via Google Voice. Transcribed by GV and corrected by Jake )
Hi, At the age of I’d say about 12. I realized that they were a few things I didn’t quite understand about Christianity. Besides the fact that every single one of them claim the correct one and they were simply if you had facts that could be explained by psychology and sociology, that would explain the phenomenon mind set. Thats held by not only Christians, but every religious believer that I’ve met ( mostly ). I began to question the validity of questions of religion in total instead of you know just Christianity the issue being, however, that I have been going to a Christian school raised by Christian parents, who had sent me there for all of 10 years. All though I had finally convinced them to let me out of the private school and into a public school nearby which was much more convenient on us both time wise and financially, my parents been very reluctant to let me out of Christian fear or so to speak. They insist, apparently that I keep on going to church. I have explained my position to them. And no matter what the questions I say, no matter what I asked them of their motives, I tend to get nothing but their assertion ” because we say so ” and they have very little reason, even when I do go to church and I requests to bring a book that I can quietly read or say in the back and join them after its over and get back in the car. They refused saying that I need to sit next to them paying attention to the sermon, as if I have were also an interested Christian like everyone else in the room. This is very frustrating to be going for several years and I’m not exactly sure what to do about it ? It’s very grating on the nerves and I find it most irritating because they keep on speaking to me as if I were a believer in something in which I’m not. It’s very frustrating to be misunderstood by myself and seemingly also about my parents. They seem to be wanting to save face, but better than seems so much the personality of some of my mom. Maybe my dad. However, I don’t know if you have any suggestions. please host it. I am up a creek. I’m getting very frustrated and I’m not sure what to do ? I very much love, my parents, but we’re getting point where there’s an impass that neither will give ground on and you know it’s frustrating. Thank you.
Answer :
I’ve been asked this question a lot over the last 10 years. So before I hit your head with some wisdom, understand that you are not alone. Others have and are going through what you are right now. They made it through, and so will you. However, with that said…
Since you didn’t mention how old you were I’m going to assume that you are somewhere in your late teens. The sad fact is that they are right. You are living under their house, and under their rules. It might not be fair, but until you can get out on your own, you’re stuck in their clutches. Think of it like paying rent but instead of money, you’re giving them church attendance. Yes, I know this sucks, and it’s unfair, but you have to look at it from their perspective. A parents job is to create an adult. Someone who is ready to take on the world. This means they try to instill within you what they believe to be right and wrong. To do otherwise, would be to give up on you. If your parents love you, they aren’t willing to do that. So, they do what they know how to do, and to them, church is an important part. So they force you to go. It sucks, but it’s understandable.
Until your independence day, do something constructive with your forced time there. Listen to the sermon and jot down some notes. See if you can’t find scriptural contradictions in the sermon and ask about them ? Use the time to educate yourself about the one thing you’re sure you don’t believe in, Xianity.
Remember, to them, if you don’t conform to their understanding, then they’ve done something wrong. To counter this, simply be better then they are. Do some community service in your area. Volunteer as a tutor. Mow someones lawn for free. Show them that just because you don’t hold the same beliefs as they do, that you are still a good person and that over all, they did a good job. That’s all they probably really want anyway.
And again, remember you’re not alone. There are plenty of people out there who have gone through it. You’ll survive just like they did. You’ve made it this far already haven’t you ? Hope that helps.
That young man is frustrated?
I don’t know if this will help at all, but I too have heard many young people in church with this same dilemma. And I do feel for them. But at the same time it is also very frustrating for me.
I am not a very intellectual person, as a matter of fact in high school, I think I graduated 173 out of my class of 175. I think I know one of the dumb asses that graduated behind me, but I wonder about the other? The reason I bring that up is because I don’t want to come across as a “know it all”. But I have been studying, reading and teaching the bible for many years. (maybe 20 or so)? And over that period of time I must have come across at least 2 thousand verses, passages and phrases in the bible that have been very confusing to me. But I continue to read and search scripture or even ask for help from other Believers, until I find an answer that satisfies my skeptical nature. Yeah that’s right LX, I am a skeptic too. This is the part that frustrates me, people that seem to know so much about the bible, and know it can’t be true, so they become instant atheists. Most will tell you that they’ve struggled with it for a couple years or whatever before they finally came out of the closet. But there struggle is leaving a lifestyle behind, not a relationship with God. I’m not saying we can’t just sit down and read the Bible and not understand it. I’m saying we need to understand it’s God’s word and not get discouraged because we can’t understand it all at once.
I don’t want to get them old timers pissed at me, but the first thing that I would tell this dude is this: Donate your King James Bible to a Senior Citizen and go get a NIV. Then I’d tell him not to get so bogged down in all the rules of his church and his school and his well meaning parents. (although I always tell young people to obey their parents, God will reward them for that, even God knows that ain’t easy). Church goers, and especially young church goers have never experienced the freedom of being a Christian. So when things aren’t making sense, it just seems easy to quit?
People blame Charles Darwin and evolution on those fleeing the church. I don’t. That’s just an excuse. I think people are leaving the church because it has become to burdensome for them to handle. And what really is frustrating is that it ain’t suppose to be that way. Don’t make it so hard. Jesus says His yoke is easy. I think He was talking about Christianity isn’t about following a bunch of rules and regulations.
Peace in Mississippi, feeno
Glad someone finally got the ball rolling and submitted a question by Google Voice.
Feeno, I’m sure you’re very skeptical, but you’re still working within the starting premise that the Bible is the word of God. If your first thought after finding something confusing, incorrect or potentially harmful in the Bible is to “understand it’s God’s word and not get discouraged because [you] can’t understand it all at once” then your investigations will never, ever convince you that it simply isn’t God’s word. At worst you’ll stay confused or otherwise stymied until you’re presented with a rationale which makes it okay again.
The reason this young man has been coerced for so long into going through the motions of Christian worship after having abandoned whatever faith he had is that his parents are hoping he will have an emotional/spiritual experience which restores his faith and constrains his skepticism to within the same boundaries as yours.
As Jake says above, he’s probably stuck with it until he grows up, but the only way his parents are going to succeed at this point is if he can’t bear any more and resorts to self-deception to regain his faith, or if God does what He’s supposed to do and actually gives him some faith. What strikes me is that if that doesn’t happen, nobody involved will fault God.