Breaking Free

Question from Josh:
I’m making a big decision. For many years, I have been attracted to the same sex, but I have also been a church-goer all my life and a convinced born-again Christian since I was 9. I’m now 17 and have made the decision to stop fighting the “sin” and free myself from the guilt and restrictions of Bible Christianity.

My mom is a Christian and she is very strict when it comes to what I can and cannot do. I see nothing inherently wrong with homosexuality, and the fact that I’ve been attracted to men for so long shows me that it cannot be helped. I see that now!

My problem is that I’m still living at home right now and I’m probably going to end up going to a Bible college. Not that there’s anything bad about that. I can still get a good education, but the rules tend to be very strict. My mom would rather me not go to secular college, but she does say it’s up to me, and my dad couldn’t care less.

My question is: as I decide to switch over to homosexuality and release myself from the bounds of religion, how can I overcome the guilt that comes with going against what the Bible or Christianity says?

Answer by SmartLX:
The short answer is to hang in there. If it doesn’t quickly wear you down and drag you back to the church, post-religion guilt (I call it faithdrawal) will fade over time. The constant religious reinforcement to which you’ve subjected yourself for eight years is a big part of why you’ll feel guilty; when you’re not getting that anymore and you have a chance to think, you’ll be surprised how differently and how much less strongly you feel about it all.

Speaking of which, I wouldn’t recommend going to a Bible college.
– Depending on your major, being a Bible college degree might be a real liability when you’re going for a job. The most obvious examples are majors in areas with faith-fueled controversy, like biology or meteorology. (If you’re doing law it’s a double-edged sword; some firms might be wary but Liberty Counsel or the Alliance Defense Fund would welcome you.)
– Most everyone around you would be immersed in the kind of fundamentalist Christianity you’ve just chosen to escape. Besides the possibility of being sucked back in through peer pressure and propaganda, it can only be a distraction from your studies. Also, if word gets around that you’re leaning away from “Biblical Christianity”, there could be a general effort by your teachers and peers to re-convert you, avoid you or drive you out.
– Some Bible colleges expressly forbid homosexual orientation or activity, and even those that allow it generally frown upon it. You up for four years in the closet, or four years fending off “ex-gay” recruiters?

I can’t speak from experience, but I gather that starting to live openly as a gay man isn’t easy even without all the religious crap. You’re in for a tough time, but you’re going in with your eyes open so I reckon you’ll be all right.

One thought on “Breaking Free”

  1. Hi Josh,

    Good luck man. It’s going to be tough on two fronts, both leaving christianity and coming out as a homosexual. I can’t imagine what it would be like, but there will be change, and I predict it will present a somewhat scary period to you. You will need to perservere and do your best, but many of done similar things before.

    I recommend a site called It is for those with who have left the christian faith, or who are waivering and need support. The community there will support you and accept you and offer advice.

    Additionaly, I’m with SmartLX on the not going to a bible college. Even I personally would be wary of somebody’s credentials if I knew they went to a bible college. Have you been in religious schooling all your life? Private high school? To me, your mom wanting you to go to a bible college is her trying to censor the information you receive. Whether she likes it or not, one day you will have to face the world as is, not just the closed community of Christianity. Having the opportunity to experience new things, and meet different kinds of people in college was one of the best experiences of my life. It OPENS your mind so much to the diversity of humanity. It will teach you humilty. It will make you more accepting of other cultures. That is, if you choose to go to a school that isn’t going to primarily be one demographic: like semi wealthy Christians for example.

    Anyways, I’m no expert on Christianity, but I do at least see the hypocrisy in how they cherry pick from their sacred text. You might find it interesting that Homosexuality is just one of many things that the bible says NOT TO DO. And guess what, most Christians do these other things anyways. They only reason they focus on homosexuality is because of their own prejudice against it, it has nothing to do with their Christianity.

    Here is a list of 13 things the bible forbids other than homosexuality:

    1. Tattoos – Leviticus 19:28
    2. Rounded haircuts – Leviticus 19:27
    3. Men with injured or cut off private parts entering into houses of God – Deuteronomy 23:1
    4. Consulting psychics – Leviticus 19:31
    5. Gossiping – Leviticus 19:16
    6. Wives helping out their husband in a fight – Deuteronomy 25:11-12
    7. Eating a ham sandwich – Leviticus 11:7-8
    8. Children cursing their parents – Exodus 21:17
    9. Getting remarried after getting divorced – Mark – 10:11-12
    10. Working on the Sabbath – Exodus 31:14-15
    11. Women speaking in houses of God – 1 Corinthians 14:34-35
    12. Eating shrimp, lobster, and other assorted seafood – Leviticus 10:10-11
    13. Losing your virginity before getting married – Deuteronomy 22:20-21

    To see more details, google: “13 things the bible forbids other than homosexuality”

    If your Mom’s Christianity leads her to reject your homosexuality, maybe ask her to find the bible verse (Leviticus 18:22 maybe?) that condemns homosexuality and compare it to the verses above. Show her that all these other things are condemned in the bible as well, but she still does some of them. Why is the bible verse about homosexuality more important than these other verses? Why can she eat shrimp when the bible says not to? If she is allowed to speak in a church, then surely you can be gay.

    Well, good luck. I hope all works out.

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