Getting Over a Bible Basher

Question from Darcy:
Well it all started a year ago when i met a boy called ‘Joseph’. I didn’t know he was a born again Christian when he asked me to be his girlfriend, but after about a month, oh boy did I know! we were only 13 and he goes ON AND ON about God and rubbish about angels falling from heaven and giants and how Obama is evil and he HATED Catholics and Muslims, etc. He was just so arrogant and started arguments for no reason…and well messed up my mind. We aren’t going out anymore, he said we should ‘move on’ and other rubbish and he keeps adding me back on Facebook then deleting me. I saw his mum in Tesco today and it bought back a thousand memories; thats what made me search this. It’s sad how such a young boy can have so much hate and think he knows everyting about everything. The sad thing is I’m only 13 as well and confused about religion and angry at born again Christians because of him and literally obsessed with them now. How do I move on and forget about the crap born again Christians brought me, which left when they walked out?

Answer by SmartLX:
Give it a while. The emotional reaction to what you’ve been through will fade over time, and though you’ll probably always be averse to born-agains they won’t occupy your whole brain anymore.

If you keep searching, you’ll learn about the efforts of fundamentalist evangelicals to gain control of society and enforce their biblical interpretations and discrimination as national law, but you’ll also learn how they’ve completely failed to make demographic headway against the non-religious. In many countries where people with no stated religion aren’t already a majority, they’re the fastest growing group. Where religions are growing, it’s because of simple population growth, or at the expense of other religions (or pseudo-religions like communism). They have big plans, but they’re terribly frustrated. You can hear it in their constant prayers for a “revival”; you only need to revive something if it’s in a bad way.

Nevertheless, if you feel you need to do something, look up what’s happening in your area. Are there state-funded schools trying to teach creationism? Are people being harassed outside abortion clinics? Are churches using public land for their own religious advertising? Just drawing attention to it can help stop it, as many activists have found.

Seriously, you’re not stuck being mad forever because of ‘Joseph’. Just think of it as a learning experience, and keep on learning long after you’ve stopped caring about him and his arrogance.

3 thoughts on “Getting Over a Bible Basher”

  1. Hi Darcy,

    I wasn’t sure what a born-again was exactly, so I looked it up just now, and it is exactly what I thought it would be. However, it looks to me like there is little difference between that and just being Christian. Having never been religious myself, I’m not certain if there is a difference.

    So you are 14. That is great that you are thinking about this all now. When I was your age I remember crying to myself several times thinking about how people are being fooled by religion, and living false lives. Dedicating all of their emotions to something non-existant. It made me really sad. As I grew up, I realized that alot of people rely deeply on their faith, and alot of people were indoctrinated and have it strongly etched into their view of the world. That doesn’t necessarilly make the outcome better, but at least I started to try to understand why people are religious.

    So regarding your actual question. As SmartLX said, the emotional response to these specific memories will fade in time. It’s hard to imagine when you are young, but they really, really do. Even the worst experience of my life, the death of the girl I thought I would marry 6 years ago, has greatly faded. Sure it makes me sad from time to time. And sometimes I cry (very rarely now). But, I don’t try to live life focusing on the negative. And although I don’t believe in ghosts or an afterlife, I wouldn’t want to do anything to dishonor her memory of me. I want to be happy and successful. So I make good choices, and rarely let life get me down.

    One thing that helps me, is my great sense of humor. I can find humor in almost any situation. For instance at how ridiculous it is to HATE people you haven’t even met, especially if it is a whole group. It’s so ridiculous, it’s kind of funny to me. I also recommend to just focus on yourself for a bit. Do things that make you happy, or things that will improve yourself. Don’t do drugs, as you will probably regret doing them eventually, that isn’t real happiness IMO. If religion is on your mind and bothering you, then research it. Research Christianity, reasearch islam. Research greek mythology, research buddhism. There are TONS of different beliefs out there. Think for yourself on which ones make sense based off of your experiences in life. NEVER just take somebody’s words as true when it comes to religion. You need to find the answer yourself. I of course hope you find that most religions are systems to control people by promising them impossible things such as eternal life and such. But don’t take my word for it! Haha, go learn. I hope this issue is resolved in your heart.

    Besides, he seemed like a jerk. So it’s probably a great thing you two didn’t stay together longer.

  2. I can understand how you feel. I’m in college and on the first day of class last semester, one of my teachers walked up to the chalkboard and wrote the words “oppressor” and “oppressed”. She pointed to “oppressor” and said that white people are the oppressor race. She then pointed to “oppressed” and said that non- whites are the oppressed races. The purpose of two of the classes I was in was to convince students of that message (and other social/ political messages). Being bi- racial and having different experiences/ family background then that, it messed with my head, but I couldn’t get away from the issue because I was required to attend those classes. I spent all semester being angry about it and obsessing over it, and I still can’t get it completely out of my mind. I feel that I can relate to what you’re going through because you wish you could drop your obsession with religion, and I wish I could drop my obsession with race.

    The problem with obsessions like this is that there will always be lots of ways for people to be offensive: on social issues, political issues, religious issues, etc. And if it’s not social/ political/ religious views at all, it’ll be theft, lying, cheating, just being rude, etc. It’s not worth it to be obsessed over one particular way that people can be jerks when there are so many different ways.

    There are two other things I think you should keep in mind. First, your friend’s not representative of all evangelicals. Lots of them feel that way, but not all of them hate Catholics, Muslims, and/ or Obama. And secondly, you’re lucky enough to live somewhere where other people’s religious views don’t have to have a big impact on your life anyway. That’s no small thing, and you should try to appreciate it. There are other places in the world where that’s not the case, and I think that people in Western countries often focus too much on bad things and don’t appreciate the advantages they have. I, of all people, know that we can’t always help what we obsess over, but I hope that my comments have helped.

  3. I also used to get sad about people’s obsession with ethnicity. I’m multi-ethnic also. When people brought ethnicity into things or stereotyped them. Oh it bugged me so much.

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